A Christmas Fairytale

...seems to be happening in our lives presently. The kind you see on Fa La La La Lifetime, the kind that leaves you feeling humbled and inspired by the human spirit that in the movie has you gulping down chokes as tears threaten while you pretend not to weep at the ridiculously gushy movie. Admit it, we've all been there. Well I'm here to tell you that life can be just as gushy and it's bloody marvelous. It's been a while since my last blog and there's a reason for that. As some of you know, life's been pretty challenging recently in the Tibbles household; Bankruptcy, no jobs and recently no income at all due to Jen's unemployment benefit being halted. My truck got repossessed, my phone is still cut off as I can't pay the bill yet worse than bills piling up, we couldn't pay the rent and faced being homeless. I kid you not. This is still a possibility. I am not complaining, this is just life and shit happens. In order I don't get lost in the stench of it, I look to the Universe to my soul..and keep the faith, somehow knowing as my Ollie always used to say to me, "It will be ok Mummy, everything will be ok." And I believe. During the last 10 days or so, the fairytale began. It began with touching emails from friends who wanted to help.  Let me add also here that many were friends I have known only via facebook and whom I have yet to meet.   This is what is so incredible and so amazing about this fairytale; like the stories within, these funny, loving characters who I see from afar, somewhat in my imagination, suddenly pop up in real life as a real person with real, true meaning and reach out to me with love. I take the hand. I take it with gratitude and equal love. As I peer into my hand a gift lays upon it that allows me to feed my family and get much needed provisions. I would receive several gifts that as this fairytale continues to unfold, will take care of many needs for most of the month of December. A Xmas tree would also arrive, complete with lights, decorations and a star atop. Amazing how it fits just perfectly into the corner, like the empty space was waiting for it. How a dear friend who is struggling personally himself this holiday season offers his time and vehicle to take my daughter to see her Dad and bring her back home safely as the car we have would not make the drive to Chicago and back. Then as my family and I wonder how we will keep the roof over our heads another gift arrives; the gift of a full time job, offered to me at the YMCA as their Health & Wellness Coordinator. I officially start in January yet have already begun with gutso. So as we celebrate all the gifts that is the human spirit I for one, believe in fairytales and in times of struggle, invite you to do the same. Merry Christmas my friends...off to watch one of those gushy Fa La La La Lifetime movies...I believe mine is about to play out....

Thoughts Right Now...

...are all over the bloody place; JOY, of kindness of others, shown today when a friend turned up at our doorstep with groceries and a Xmas tree, knowing we had no money for either and I swallowed my pride and accepted the hand that GIVES, remembering something a dear friend said. "Deb, if you do not accept the hand that GIVES, you are interfering in God's work.".... that my daughter who is suffering from a broken heart and Lord knows has suffered already in her short 19 years, posted a status headline on facebook which I think can teach us all MUCH: "To let go is not to forget, not to think about or ignore; it doesn't leave feelings of anger, jealousy or regret. Letting go isn't winning nor is it losing, it's not about pride or obsessing or dwelling on the past; to let go is to cherish memories and overcome them, letting go is having the courage to accept change and have the strength to keep moving. Letting go is growing up." I learn from my daughter. We can all learn from our children, we could all grow up, if only we would listen. I am guilty of years past, of not. And I am ashamed. Ashamed of waving in front of my youthful child the card that reads, "I-know-it-all-and-you-don't." Thinking that as her mother, I had all the answers. How bloody ignorant I was. Yet what MATTERS is the lesson, what MATTERS is we LISTEN. Eventually, I did. And today, I am a proud mother of this young woman who in my eyes will always be my precious CHILD, yet is a strong woman, going out in the world with all of her insecurities and passions of life, essentially, alone, for despite I am her mother, always here, I need to let her go....she says it so well....

A Rural Community Makes All The Difference.

....It truly does. Here's what happened to me this morning. First of all I need to share with you the community I live in. Rapid River, a town that is missed on most maps, yup, it is THAT small, a community tucked away in rural Upper Peninsular, Michigan where forget the bar, everyone knows your name regardless. So, I have a check to bank, all $16.00 in my zero balance which I got for a book purchase. I go in. The teller is Kathy, I know this because her tag says so, "Hi Kathy!" I say brightly. She responds, "Are you the author?" I am momentarily perplexed, take a look behind me, then feeling rather silly upon realization respond, "Why yes, I am, how did you know that?" Whereupon she lays out the local newspaper which has my ad for a book signing and says excitedly to me, "Can't believe I know you." I smile. She deposits my check and sharing general chit chat I ask nonchalontly if my funds are immediately available knowing I do not have enough gas in my car to get to a job interview I have tomorrow and fleetingly a thought crosses my mind from her earlier comment of. 'can't believe I know you.' which was, 'if only you knew...' I put it to bed as she says chirpily, "Oh yes, immediately available." And I wonder what she thinks knowing the balance in my account, all $16.00 of it. With a wave I head to the gas station, some 5 mins down the road. I put in $8 worth, enough to get me where I need to go and purchase the tampons I need for that damn cycle which at 48 years of age, I pray in on it's way out and living with two other females is an urgent need. I will save how THAT happens for a later Blog. Anyway, at the checkout, with queue forming, there is a problem. "Sorry, your card was declined." The teller informs me with a look of pity."Oh." I say, "Well that's weird, I just put some money in my account." I say, thinking that should just magically make everything alright. Teller: "You could call the bank." Me: "Yes, I could yet I don't have a phone." (my cell phone has been disconnected recently.) Teller: "Which bank, Bay Bank?" Me: "Yes, that's the one!" Hoping this makes me sound like a long term resident where everyone knows your name and don't worry I have no intention of disappearing into the night with your sixteen bucks...Teller: "Let me get Kathy on the phone." IMMEDIATELY, I know it will all be fine. She knows Kathy, and I will be saved. They talk. Apologies are exchanged, much to the amusement of the now much longer queue forming at the checkout with comments of, "I hate those debit card rules, I mean seriously?! I have money and they put a limit on what I can take out of my own damn account each day?!" And, "You know Kathy?...she's a great girl.." So, in the end, it transpires that I DO have accessible funds only the lassie that inputs the information onto the computer which relates to a debit transaction, does not come in to work until 2pm, sooooo....I have to go back to the bank and withdraw cash. Such is rural life in Rapid River. Where everyone knows your name and business and which to some, may seem like a pain in the arse yet in truth, turns out to be a Godsend. The teller is quite happy for me to leave the station, go back and return. No questions asked. If this were some city I was visiting I imagine an altogether different scene....$16 or not, the police no doubt, would have been called and without a phone, a nightmare would ensue. What struck me most about this experience were two things; firstly, not ONCE did I feel embarrassed. Secondly, how patient and kind the folks were in the long line waiting while we sorted out my situation. Quite the opposite, people were laughing, joking and as I finally got it sorted, almost cheered. I was able to go on my merry way as people waved me a good day as I left shaking my head with much gratitude for living in a town which essentially, has your back.

Reaching Out Can Be Our Toughest Challenge

As someone who mostly reaches out to others or lends an ear to those in need I admit that one of my weaknesses is when I find myself in turmoil and with pride taking over, I fail to do what I preach; that is, to reach out because I myself am in need of a helping hand. Yet as a dear friend said to me recently when I shared my present struggles, "Deb, it requires strength to reach out and ASK and is not a sign of weakness." So sailing on the wings of those kind and inspiring words, I am doing just that. It's amazing to me that I find myself in this spot yet such is life and whilst I stand firm in the belief and faith that everything happens for a reason, and am in no way complaining, I am however casting my beady eye upwards to the Universe and asking, "Show me the way here..." As some of you know, we went bankrupt last year and lost it all, recently my car got repossessed and have to borrow my daughter's car which is on its last legs. Our income which we have been surviving on of unemployment benefit is coming to an end and a job I thought was coming my way, apparently is not and we actually face being homeless.  I need to find a job and soon. I am willing to do anything as is my partner Jen. My current teaching position of two classes a week barely covers the gas money to get there and back and whilst I have requested more, have not been forthcoming. What is TRULY amazing about all of this is my seemingly lack of worry for our future, in that I still have this belief that when you are a GOOD person, GOODNESS follows and somehow I just know the Universe will allow good luck to come our way.  My daughter has no idea of our situation for I do not want to worry her and I also feel like a failure (again) as a mother toward her should she find out. Of course, I am going to have to put aside my own feelings and fess up, she will find out soon enough. I am seriously considering going on Craigs List and advertising myself, I mean why not? I have a vast array of experience in many fields; I am a writer, a speaker, a radio talk show host wannabe, group fitness instructor/trainer, have worked in the corporate sector as a personal assistant, can type 80 wpm, have excellent people skills, possess a great sense of humor and a pretty fine cook to boot. I do have some other ideas to get myself back in the workplace and am certainly being more assertive about it.  People are kind when they imagine my book is leaping off the shelves and I have a nice royalty check on its way yet the truth of the matter is that I don't even know, too early for retail sales and a good percentage will go to the publisher. The fact is, I never wrote the book to make money, it's not about money, it was always about getting the message out there, which my Ollie asked me to do and I have done that and on days when it gets to me and I allow fear of an uncertain future to way heavy on my mind, I think of the joy and love that is being shared via my book and how it is affecting people's lives and I am lifted. It gives me strength and hope in mankind and that at the end of the day, as Ollie would say to me time and time again as he sensed my worry of his impending death, "It will be ok Mummy, everything will be ok, you'll see, I love you Mummy." Thank you Ollie.....

For those who don't know me...an introduction to who I am and what makes me TICK...ie...YOU do;)

First of all, I am an English lass! Born and raised in the United Kingdom and YES, I still have my accent, as clear as it's ever been. I love Marmite, fish n chips and possess a SAUCY sense of humor, typical of us Brits who are also known to speak their minds. And I do, often. Sometimes that gets me in trouble yet as someone once said, "I'd rather be hated for who I AM, than loved for who I am NOT." Indeed, and so it goes with me as does another famous quote, "Well behaved women rarely make history." Because, to be honest, who wants to be well behaved all the time? Society dictates in order chaos does not rule, that we must be responsible and I get that. I am a parent, I have to work, be courteous to others, abide by the rules of life and one must yet because of these society 'rules' we can easily lose our minds, wonder what happened to US as slowly and very easily, life can gobble up our soul greedily then callously spit it out. I know because I witness it every day with those out there who are AFRAID to say "Enough!!" And make a stand for what they believe to be right or just and choose instead, for whatever reason, to keep quiet and the bitterness festers inside of them. Sometimes you have to be mis-behaved. In personal and professional arenas just to SAVE your SANITY. At the end of the day, it all comes down to one thing and is how I personally choose to LIVE my life and that is, in complete TRUTH. I also speak from experience because I used to be afraid, scared to simply be ME, was fearful of what others thought, was someone who did NOT always live her truth and I guess you could say now that I am making up for lost time, LOL. It is NEVER too late.  How I can claim my happiness fully in living my life free of fear and allowing the real Debi to shine through I will save for another Blog yet for now will also add that my 'transformation' for want of a better word did not happen overnight, it came about via an expected source, took much soul searching and the Universe allowing me to cross paths with some special individuals who helped forge my truth...people like YOU...for when we open our hearts to others, let them IN, without judgment and without fear of the outcome, even with family and friends...THAT'S when the magic really happens. Being ME makes me tick yet I am only half of the equation; I need you, my human sidekick and together we make tick tock...ahhhh, the wonder of human connection...

Welcome to my FIRST blog!!

So all of last night and this morning I kept 'seeing' this title in my head. And it won't go away. As I have discovered over the years, one must always pay attention when the voice speaks and respond, even if it doesn't make sense so with a smile from the voice, I duly oblige. As the railway tracks of this often cruel yet wonderful life twist and turn with the occasional, unexpected screeching halt flinging you into unknown territory, I have also learned that holding on for dear life and letting go are often one and the same thing; that when fear of uncertainty grips you, it's OK to let go because the light within, that spark of love that whispers..."it will be alright, just believe.." affords us great strength and one CAN let go yet stay on track as we yell merrily, "Look! No hands!" and we are guided safely to wherever we are going.
So I invite you to remember this, we all have our own special track that has YOUR name written all over it; no one can travel the track the way YOU can, sure, others may join you and that's the magic of railroad life; the folks we meet along the way yet you are at the helm of your track and so long as pay attention to the voice, that light which guides you, truly amazing things can happen and others will want to embark their own as you inspire them to climb All Aboard the journey of life with LOVE.

Clickety Clack! Clickety Clack! .......