Reaching Out Can Be Our Toughest Challenge

As someone who mostly reaches out to others or lends an ear to those in need I admit that one of my weaknesses is when I find myself in turmoil and with pride taking over, I fail to do what I preach; that is, to reach out because I myself am in need of a helping hand. Yet as a dear friend said to me recently when I shared my present struggles, "Deb, it requires strength to reach out and ASK and is not a sign of weakness." So sailing on the wings of those kind and inspiring words, I am doing just that. It's amazing to me that I find myself in this spot yet such is life and whilst I stand firm in the belief and faith that everything happens for a reason, and am in no way complaining, I am however casting my beady eye upwards to the Universe and asking, "Show me the way here..." As some of you know, we went bankrupt last year and lost it all, recently my car got repossessed and have to borrow my daughter's car which is on its last legs. Our income which we have been surviving on of unemployment benefit is coming to an end and a job I thought was coming my way, apparently is not and we actually face being homeless.  I need to find a job and soon. I am willing to do anything as is my partner Jen. My current teaching position of two classes a week barely covers the gas money to get there and back and whilst I have requested more, have not been forthcoming. What is TRULY amazing about all of this is my seemingly lack of worry for our future, in that I still have this belief that when you are a GOOD person, GOODNESS follows and somehow I just know the Universe will allow good luck to come our way.  My daughter has no idea of our situation for I do not want to worry her and I also feel like a failure (again) as a mother toward her should she find out. Of course, I am going to have to put aside my own feelings and fess up, she will find out soon enough. I am seriously considering going on Craigs List and advertising myself, I mean why not? I have a vast array of experience in many fields; I am a writer, a speaker, a radio talk show host wannabe, group fitness instructor/trainer, have worked in the corporate sector as a personal assistant, can type 80 wpm, have excellent people skills, possess a great sense of humor and a pretty fine cook to boot. I do have some other ideas to get myself back in the workplace and am certainly being more assertive about it.  People are kind when they imagine my book is leaping off the shelves and I have a nice royalty check on its way yet the truth of the matter is that I don't even know, too early for retail sales and a good percentage will go to the publisher. The fact is, I never wrote the book to make money, it's not about money, it was always about getting the message out there, which my Ollie asked me to do and I have done that and on days when it gets to me and I allow fear of an uncertain future to way heavy on my mind, I think of the joy and love that is being shared via my book and how it is affecting people's lives and I am lifted. It gives me strength and hope in mankind and that at the end of the day, as Ollie would say to me time and time again as he sensed my worry of his impending death, "It will be ok Mummy, everything will be ok, you'll see, I love you Mummy." Thank you Ollie.....