Halloween thoughts.....

I've always loved Halloween. Growing up in England I would be envious of the American way of life as  I observed Halloween via British TV; the gaudy over-the-top decorations, haunted houses, parades and yearn to go trick or treating as I wondered what costume I'd wear.  I lived in rural England, the South East coast, in the County of Kent, known as the 'garden of England.'  It's beautiful because it IS rural. Yet rural also means for a young person, 'boring and old fashioned' and whilst today I fully appreciate its charm, back then, it was boring and no one even knew what Halloween was, not a pumpkin in sight, let alone actually celebrate the season. I never imagined as a young girl I would actually live in the US and finally experience my dream.  When I first came to this great country it was overwhelmingly exciting. I remember as we took off from London Heathrow and the seat belt sign went off I could hardly believe it, I was going to live the American dream! Arriving at our new home I fell in love with all things American; Coffee, flavored creamers, drive ins, huge open plan homes, white picket fences (I even dreamed of those as a young girl), breakfast diners with as much coffee as you want, no queues at the check out, snow at Christmas, Thanksgiving and car parks that are always half empty and the fact I would never have to reverse park again in my life, it was great! I also fell in love with the Mid west people who welcomed us with open arms....and of course, there was Halloween. That first year we went beserk with decorating the house, spent way too much money on lights, spooky sounds and fog machines and invited all our new neighbors to our first Halloween party which was a MONSTER smash! It was magical and I realized I really WAS living the American dream and our children were thriving as they settled into their new life as if it had always been there. We would have our last Halloween party in 2003 before Ollie died in the Spring of 2004 and it was a grand affair as we turned our front yard into the local Halloween 'hot spot' and Ollie joyously giggled as we scared the living daylights out of those passing by as he hit 'play' on the truly scary music he had selected earlier that week at Target.  Like all the holidays that come around, the birthdays, the seasons, the moments, you never want it to end and taking down the decorations was just as painful as taking down the ribbons I had around the trees in our backyard for months after Ollie passed when I just knew that it was time to do so and no one seemed to notice.  It's funny what you get angry about or painfully miss when your child is gone, what you WOULD be doing, but is just taken from you and there is not a damn thing you can do about it.  There are times when you want to scream out about it yet cannot, at least, not in public.  Being the youngest child of mine, Ollie would still be in that childish fascination stage for several more years and there would have been more parades, more costumes, more scaredy-cat moments and shenanigans with his brother and sister. I get jealous of other parents who still have that....then angry at those who get annoyed at their kids just because they want to dress up and the parents can't be bothered.  I miss Halloween. I miss it because like everything else, it will never be the same .... yet I am grateful to this great country and its wonderful traditions and for bringing Halloween to not only me and fulfilling a dream I had yearned for as a child, yet also, for a brief time, to my son Ollie, who LOVED this time of year....Happy Halloween my son, I love you...

Thoughts Right Now....

...are firstly that it's been a very long time since I blogged and sitting here in my dressing gown with fingers at keyboard, feel very much at home. I have missed it. Feels good to be back. If you could see me now you would laugh; not long out the bed, hair looking like I've been pulled through a hedge backwards, smudgy eye make up because I couldn't be bothered to take it off last night and even remnants of popcorn in my teeth because I also couldn't be bothered to clean my teeth last night either. Yes, a sight indeed! Yet the Tibbles clean up can wait. I have coffee and I have thoughts. Perfect combination. Looking at Jen who is still in bed and just as messy as I am, I cannot help but marvel at how beautiful she looks as she lays there so peaceful and how Blessed I am for this love. It saves you. It saves you from everything. In the one moment I gaze upon her I am acutely aware that no matter how challenging life can get or how little we have it all fades with the knowledge that what we have is truly precious, even rare... and that there are many out there who have it all yet have nothing and I discover I am not poor at all with riches of the heart that are never-ending. This is what saves me. This is where I go when the world seems to intrude on my life and I allow it to affect me. I reach for it to heal me, to clean my soul when it feels tarnished with man's burdens. I have always had an open door to mankind. Invite all and sundry, whether in person or via social networks such as facebook. Come on in! Pull up a chair and let's talk a while. I've met some pretty amazing people along the way and had incredible good fortune be showered upon me and also my family. I've been stunned by kindness, flabbergasted by generosity and overwhelmed by the spirit of humanity that often shines on my profile through those who visit me.  Yet I have also stood in stunned shock at the cruelty of some visitors who barge in without even knocking and take advantage of the warm chair I offer; that even with the kindness I bestow, will burgle my good nature, ram sack my heart then leave, SLAMMING the door on the way out. Standing in the chaos of mankind's selfish agenda can be suffocating so I go to that which saves me, which ultimately saves us all...to LOVE. There is no greater weapon more powerful than one which bears no arms than that of love ... and I yield to it with a grateful heart. Recently I announced my intention to leave this social world in cyber space, to refresh and cleanse my mind of man's frailties yet the weapon to which I yield has been raised by many who come to my aid and strengthens me. I feel somewhat like a warrior; of peace and love yet now unafraid to stand up to the bullies if I have to because as I look out at them I see beyond the ego, the pride, the selfish heart, understanding that deep down there is pain, insecurity and to even contemplate yielding to the weapon of love for them, almost unbearable.  The lesson in all of this, in all of life always goes back to the beginning, of creation, of the child nestled in the womb, of the first cry as we enter the world, untouched, pure and the same as we leave...is love. It is all we have to offer and cannot be forced, coerced, paid for or bought.  What matters is that we do, regardless of whether another wants to receive it or not. It is what we came here to do. So I go to love and intend to stay in this world a little longer, embracing the lessons and growth. I will not be putting a lock on my door, that would never do and I offer up the same comfy chair to those who wish to share in my company, only this time when sensing man's dark side, will not be afraid to frisk them as they enter;) ... and like a house full of clutter, long overdue its spring cleaning, will take joy in seeing what's not wanted, removed and taken to Goodwill where it will be put to use for those who need it....paying it forward...with love.