....golly gee, quite a bit. What do you do when the the mind won't stop talking to you? You have to stop arguing with it and listen. Otherwise you just go plain bonkers. Muddling through the thoughts I respectively ask my brain to at least calm down so I can pinpoint one thought at a time. Brain obliges and I'm grateful and then glaring at me is the word FEAR. Bollocks. Why did you have to go and do that brain?...and I swear I hear a sneer...FEAR sits nicely with FAILURE. In fact, they are buddies, the kind who have known each other a trillion years and no matter how much time passes, meet n greet with a hearty slap on the back and just pick up where they left off. I first met these two early in childhood when they cruelly sneaked up on me and yelling BOO! my life changed. Yet even with all the uplifting seminars and people I've met over the years who instill positive energy, it remains and is a work in progress to overcome. You'd have to read my book to get the low down yet really I know I fail myself because I already give myself permission to do so and why the heck do we do that? I have no excuses. A common asked question is this: What do you fear most in life? I know the most common response and I have lived and survived it...so how can I be fearful of anything else in my life? The irony is that I give the advice, instill hope, yet a lot of the time do not always live it and I feel ashamed, feel unreal, like I'm someone else, you know, that kind of person who hugs or kisses without touching along with a fake smile you forget. All I know is that I am not that kind of person and so it troubles me when these feelings surface yet at the same time have come to learn that I am simply being human. I fear failure for many reasons yet mostly for not shaping up to humanity, to not always being there when someone reached out, to seeing who we are and why we are here and accepting the path given to me; that in order to keep moving, I have to get out of the way...of ME.... So when my deep rooted insecurity rises majestically, like King Neptune in the vast ocean we know as life and can drown in, I realize that the little fish I am, CAN...swim. Where I'm going, I still don't know...the ocean is vast, I pass many individuals, some friendly, some not, the ocean is tumultuous and is justly perfect. So failure and fear I have come to know and accept with Grace...and why? Because failure strengthens me, keeps me grounded yet equally fear allows me to grow, to bloom like a weed that stubbornly refuses to die and for a garden to grow, even weeds have their place ....
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE....
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